#hilson #house md #the scary thing is that I see a lot of myself in Wilson #the trying something painful once and then giving up #because what's the point when you're just going to die a slow painful death anyways? #but we don't tell anyone the reason WHY we're doing this #yeah we'll say I love you but please stop if you really do love ME #I do everything for you #let me do this one thing for me #let me die on my own terms #but we really don't want to #we're angry and terrified because we're always there for people no matter what #but when this happens and we need someone #the people we give EVERYTHING to just up and disappear #because it's fucking terrifyingx being cast out to sea with no tether #whether it be because we're dying of cancer or beause we're dealing with emotional problems that will swallow us whole without support #Wilson doesn't want to die no matter what he may say #he just wants someone there with him in the end #but of course House IS there for him #He's terrified as well #he doesn't want to lose his best and only friend #but he can't be privy to a Wilson whose given up #which is a hell of a lot of disloyalty but it's a coping method #if House closes himself off now maybe he won't feel so much devastation when Wilson is gone #(even though the logical part of his brain is telling him that it's futile. Nothing will stop the devastation) #and Wilson hears this #hears all of it #and it's this same loyalty and devotion he has to House that's been keeping them tethered for 20 years #that's what makes him change his mind #because in the end that's what's important